Beer ‘N Golf

After four different people asked me when I would review Port’s IPA, I figured that it was time to give in to peer pressure. My mom always taught me not to give in to peer pressure and she held fast to that philosophy to the end. When the cops tried to talk her down from that ledge, her only response was that she never gave in to peer pressure and she wasn’t about to start. The point of all this is to say that I never really paid attention to my mom, so lets talk about Port. I have always been impressed with Port’s portly selection of beer and Wipeout certainly continues this trend. Wipe out is the first IPA that I’ve had that can be described as “drinkable”. OK Before you start sending packages of anthrax to my house, let me explain…… I love IPA’s…… But IPA’s have always been sipping beers for me. The bitterness of the hops makes me cry…… I mean savor… every last sip. Port has created an IPA that I don’t need/want to sip as much as I want a Double Gulp ( the 64 oz monster at 7-11 ) full of Wipeout for breakfast every morning. That being said, I’m on my way “wipeout” the stock of Wipeout at my local liquor store…… Toodles!!!!

I guess what Lagunitas thinks Frank Zappa is one Arrogant Bastard. From what I can find, this is the third in Lagunitas series saluting the great Frank Zappa. After the first sip, I had to go back and grab the bottle to make sure that they really thought this was an ale. Halfway back to my neighbors fridge, the hops started to show up. The first beer that came to my mind was Stone’s Arrogant Bastard. Just like AB, this Lagunitas brew confuses your palette, making it difficult to figure out what it actually is. In fact…. the only difference between the two is on the label. In the Lagunitas version, the gargoyle has a moustache and is wearing suspenders. 

So the french finally got something right! Damn… Ok.. need to backup a little bit. Apparently, Blonde Ale is a french term for carbonated Scotch. I have never tasted an ale, much less a blonde ale that has a sugar or alcohol content this high. This “ale” has a surprising small afterbite. That is assuming you are still conscious after the 13% hits your tongue. It tastes like it needs to be cellared for a few years, and it may say so on the bottle, but the only french I know is “Donde’ esta el bano?” 

Apparently imperial IPAs are now known as “San Diego Style IPAs” I guess the rest of the world finally realized that we make some damn good beer here in San Diego. Or perhaps it’s because we’re bitter as hell. Green Flash decided to blend the two concepts. The result is a 9% “San Diego style IPA” that will kick you in the ass so hard that you will be crapping out kittens for a week. I don’t really know what that means, but let’s just pretend it makes sense so I can move on. Well….. never mind. I really don’t have anything else. Strong, bitter, kitten crapping pretty much sums it up. Cheers! (more…)

Newcastle is what I consider, a “primer”. For those morning coffee breaks, when you just can’t quite handle an Imperial IPA, Newcastle is a good brown ale to start your day off on the right track. Throw a couple of ice cubes in and tell your boss it’s an iced coffee. Newcastle never disappoints, and always goes down smooth. It’s slightly more carbonated than I prefer, but I can deal with it. The bottom line…. go grab a 6-pack, and leave it in the bottom drawer of your desk at work. Drink one a day as needed. That will leave you with one left at the end of the week. Now it’s your beer, and you can do what you please with it. But I would suggest using it to bribe that nosy coworker looking over your shoulder while you’re reading this.  (more…)

So I can taste the vanilla part, but I’m having a hard time convincing myself that this is a porter. It’s dark, and heavy, but the aftertaste……(taking a few sips….) Yeah, that definitely tastes like my childhood community swimming pool. Too much chlorine and testosterone.  Not enough pussy or porter. Seriously, it has a distinct chlorine aftertaste. I have never disliked a porter this much…. But I’ve only got 5 oz left, and I am never one to waste alcohol, so…….BRB…… sorry, I had to go throw up… 4 oz more… Wish me luck. 

My immediate thought was WTF??????????? Am I already so drunk that I am seeing things?My second thought “wow, one of the major breweries actually made a beer that didn’t have a twist off cap”.Well I was wrong on both. Yes, one of the Big Boy’s decided that it wanted to capitalize on the microbrew fad. And No, it was a twist off after all, I just had to have my five year old daughter help me get it off. (I know what your thinking, and it’s wrong on so many levels. If your not thinking what I think your thinking, then lets just move on.) Ok I can’t say I’m surprised at the taste. How can I sum it up??? Ohh yeah!! You can’t just put the word “porter” on a bottle and expect people to go along with it. Well on second thought, with Michelob’s clientele, it makes sense. Compared to a real porter, it’s bland and easily forgotten, then again, so is Michelob Ultra, Michelob Amber, Michelob Lager, and Michelob Light. At least their consistent. A good porter should have flavors that you seek out, flavors that are hidden amongst the dark aroma. I recommend that you go try this for one reason and one reason only. This beer is the most flavorful beer 75% of the country has ever had.
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There are two kinds of beer drinkers. Those of us that love Stone; and Those who have not tried Stone. Depending on the crowd, you will get 2 very different reactions to Stone’s Pale Ale. From the nascar/dudebro/tailgating/frathouse crowd you might hear, “wow that’s strong, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a beer that dark before.” From the cool crowd, “I’m not on a diet, give me back my Arrogant Bastard.” I think it’s fairly obvious which group I belong to. Have you seen my gut lately? Seriously, I am a fat ass. And now that I am on a diet, I am growing rather fond of the Pale Ale. It has a stronger bite than most Pales, but leaves a crisp hoppy aftertaste that has the typical mellow feel of a Pale. While I wish it had AB’s 7.2% Alc. the 5.4% will have to do for now. Only 96 lb more until the doctor says I’m healthy enough to resume my suicidal drinking binge.
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The name pretty much explains it all. AB kicks some serious ass and doesn’t bother taking names. Stone lets you know right on the bottle that “It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality or depth.” Well the one thing that Stone didn’t count on is that I was raised on hops and barley. When your father is an abusive drunk, you grow up with the taste and sophistication that allows you to appreciate and ale with the quality and depth that Arrogant Bastard possesses. That’s one thing MADD won’t teach you. Now let me break it down for you. I’ve heard people call it a brown ale; most commonly AB is considered an american strong ale; but to my bruised and battered lips, AB is a smoked pale ale. The traditional hoppy feel is replaced by a darker smoked hop flavor that lingers longer than expected. Stone has finally made a beer that simulates the effect of smoking and drinking, so you can save your lungs for more important things like…. maybe…. oxygen. I try to only destroy one major organ at a time. Arrogant Bastard is not for everyone. So remember, maybe you should “stick to a safer and more familiar territory — maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery” in the Rockies. Arrogant Bastard is a beer best enjoyed by it’s own kind. (more…)

As a fan of Brown Ales, I am always excited to try something new. RB’s Long Board Brown has potential to a great brown. Unfortunately RB has made the typical mistakes with their brown ale. Too cold and over-carbonated. It still tasted great, however it could be so much better. The hinted tastes of campfire roasted hazlenuts, and dark chocolate covered costa rican coffee beans were overpowered by the carbonation and temperature. I’ve noticed that the colder you serve a beer, the more the taste is hidden. RBLBB had a slightly darker color than most browns with more of a 20 oz 7-11 Vanilla nut coffee with 2 splenda and no cream type of  color. Nice start, but I would love to a try a casked version of this brown.

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